Re-ignition

The voice creeps inside and speaks of the marvelous.
It lies.
Shedding hold up the foundation
Start the new cycle and hope for it’s success.
Goodbye, sweet summertime voice.

The rain is slowly forming. The skies release is miserable but appreciated after. The seriousness in it’s midst is ruining the moment. The guard is up before anything can be allowed through. Even chance turns away, unimpressed and disrespected.

The word of “equal” and “attention” seem to be fading.

Again and again, a play date with Time and it’s difficult game of patience, expectations of understanding and true will.

It doubts you, you doubt it, it hides when you pour yourself over the pavement. Step on me. I’m staying. Perhaps this isn’t a promising option but without the question mark option, there would only be simultaneous regret.  Refuse drowning.

Hanging onto an idea, hoping for the expectation, listening to the mouth, and wanting the result.

This is a learning challenge.

Nothing but banking on myth.

The sheer excitement and happiness it brings when traces of soon forgotten memories blotch through.

Imperfections

You shake it in hopes for a quick fix, a desperate perfection.

You realize that these imperfections represent the moment. The moment of honesty, the moment of proof that you tried.

Attempts at wanting what couldn’t be handed but only achieved after the long film that goes nowhere.

The short timing that is has been waiting, your second shot seemed worth it.

There is love for that photo now but what happens when you run out of film?

What happens when perhaps more imperfections begin to take a toll that it seems almost pointless?

What happens when the instant photos fade? Will the memories disintegrate as followed?

You hang on and accept the potential truths but what keeps it all from unraveling?

One morning waking up to notifications of others lives and coming across photos of happy people surrounded by laughter. Completely distraught. Clicking delete and Facebook disappeared. What is it then that makes one website so intrinsically powerful? Why is the obsession suddenly so evident. How come the extremity of deletion?

Judging others for wasting their precious moments away while secretly I do the same. Questioning this idea of identity and how it’s formed. Through Ted Hiebert’s idea of “the screen” and this creation of myth, nothing remains but only the words that holds everything into place. Using the digital to creation fictional realities makes you wonder how everything you’ve done up until now has been documented, exploited, and seen in many ways. We rely on being seen “tagged” in photos, showing popularity yet the illusion of contentment deepens the burden of loneliness.

Whatever happened to the traditional methods of communication? A letter, a coffee break, a simple phone conversation asking about ones day. The word community does not exist. It is an empty word that has been sucked dry by myths and construction. Within a labyrinth of photos and blank birthday wishes, many have been consumed by the power of instantaneous updates on a random acquaintances life.

Revolutionary, agreed but dangerous all the same. A constructed memory landscape of photos and true opinions of events skewed by comments and smiling faces. “I was at that concert” but were you truly present amongst the crowd of people and the distance between your “friends”?

The regret crept upon the spirit and began to gnaw away at each limb.
Little by little, the ropes began to tie itself.
Detained in a familiar location and the realization that escaping would be as difficult as the last.
Treading through the murky waters, a glimspe of clarity.
Perhaps a refusal to seek purity? An admittance to asking for more.

Impossible is an option.

Stand tall child for all you have left is the will to face the challenger.

“We love you”

“It’s only because you don’t live close by”

“Only because space was limited”

“You’re always so busy”

Enough

Merely excuses as an act of attempted kindness. I play along as if everything is truth but stone does not exist in the fragile mind of one’s already damaged soul. I understand the factors of being accepted and it is evident that I have lost the battle. There is goodness in every soul and of course I am grateful to have experienced your gratuity but as an honest thought, who has the capabilities to withstand it for an extended duration?

Looking at photos and being present in the planning of events when it is evident that I am not invited to partake in the construction of memory. Even so, I am the mere background of an event. As though experiencing it at home was not enough, even on vacation I am only a silent being who’s presence is only considered in time of need or out of pity.

I am sick and tired of feeling apologetic for myself. Exhausted of pretending as if everything is alright.

If these were true friendships, why would all your actions hurt me so? Of course the typical, “You think too much” comes around but do I really?

Empathy

in it’s great attempt of inclusion, the rest disagrees and figures that I am not worthy. I thank you. You who attempts to include, explain and keep company but I know I am a burden. I still thank you.

Sometimes what is really needed is to find yourself again after a long haul.

Putting the desires and goals on hold for a brief moment to

Reconnect

forgetting about the fears of not instantly pursuing but reflecting on what needs to be done next and bite off what can be chewed.

An expectation for yourself and the illusion of perfection and ultimate satisfaction once that goal is achieved.
Not necessary.

Realizing that one is only a child, regardless of self-perception.

Time changes events
Events change people.
People change people.

Holding onto what once was acts as a safety and holds back from growth. A hypocritical minion begins to rise. Suppress and move forward. Anecdotes of past experiences in hopes to inspire others but when listening to the self is ignored.

Hello, Goodbye, Welcome back and to hope there won’t be another farewell

Take the time, while it’s young, while it’s simple, while it is still for you.

Where is this rush you speak of? Mythical

Begin to mold, create and seek for the possessions that last. Create what you’ve wanted rather than the mere words of “I will when I have time”. Excuse.

Pace, pace, pace back and forth at times but inching forward within free will

Because who gives a flying of others judgments?

Realize and acknowledge then move on.

Celebrate that you created and give yourself credit.
Regardless of how disappointed, you made it.
Push on even after failure because at the end of the day, remember that…

Success is not instantaneous and is not a given nor a forever.

Going back is acceptable but do not be held back because of one thing.
Remember why you love what it is to allow that extra motivation to fuel.
Everyone at their own pace and force or plagiarism cannot bring you forward and forward with dignity.

Push on and respect yourself

Fail early, fail more to fail less

Invisible

Not necessarily a cry out but out of curiosity.
Being genuine but should it be a given to others? Taken advantage of?
Trust was never easy when it’s been stomped on countless times.

Negativity only repels

Naive child, wake up.

you have problems, child. help

“You don’t have to do this”
….to take the words and mold would seem like a defiance.